One Year of Keeping a Gratitude Calendar
The one about practicing gratitude.
In 2022, I kept a calendar on my wall where I wrote down at least one thing I was grateful for each day. It was a nice practice to incline my mind toward noticing more of the good stuff. Knowing I was on the hook to write something down each day, my brain was forced to look for what was going well in my life.
It’s easy to dwell on the things that aren’t perfect, while all the wonderful things that happen fly below the radar. This is apparent if you read Dave Barry’s annual year in review—not much gratitude. Yeah, lots of bad stuff is always happening. If that’s what you focus on, you’ll conclude, like Dave did, that it was a bad year. And you could do that every single year. And eventually, you’ll look back and conclude it was a bad life. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Lots of good stuff is always happening too though—why not give some of those things attention also?
Part of the practice is battling the ego. The ego only wants to recognize extraordinary things as noteworthy. It has contempt for mundane miracles. Getting excited about smelling the roses feels too basic, not befitting of a special person such as yourself. To jar myself out of that, sometimes I like to think about what a peasant from the 1400s would think of my life. They wouldn’t be able to comprehend my level of prosperity—air travel, smartphones, antibiotics, air conditioning, fresh fruit year-round, public restrooms, dog walkers.
Can you imagine describing dog daycare to a serf from the Middle Ages?
We can’t help but take so much for granted. Not because we’re bad people, but because that’s what the brain does—adapts, finds problems, wants more. Thankfully, a gratitude practice can help rewire our brains to be more inclined toward satisfaction and less fixated on problems.
Gratitude Themes
Looking back at a year’s worth of gratitude entries, it’s interesting to see what patterns emerged. Certain categories of things came up again and again, clearly indicating that these things enhance my life and bring me joy. Since humans are terrible at predicting what will make them happy, it’s nice to have data showing what actually did the trick for me. Here were the things that sparked gratitude the most often for me.
Free Time/Flexibility
By far the most entries for a single category related to having free time and (more) control over my schedule. I’ve been working from home for the past 3 years, and the extra time that’s afforded me has made my life immeasurably better. Instead of commuting, I take a walk with my husband. I have plenty of time in the morning to meditate, exercise, and write. Instead of shoving all of my cooking, cleaning, and errands in on the weekends, I can slot them in during lunch or little pockets of free time.
My Dogs
Snuggling with my dogs, doing things to make them happy, seeing them do cute things—my dogs gave me so many hits of happiness. It’s easy to be grateful for them. One thing that came up frequently was them laying in the sun. When it’s nice out, I put beds out back for them, and they’ll both lay there for hours looking totally peaceful. Such a simple pleasure.
Good Entertainment
My gosh there is so much good content available. My husband and I always have awesome shows going; Netflix and HBO keep bringing their A game. Formerly boring and monotonous time spent driving or doing chores is now filled with delightful podcasts and audiobooks. There are so many great blogs, books, and articles. And how unbelievable is Spotify? You can listen to any song any time! Incredible. And the craziest part is that most of that stuff is either relatively cheap (remember renting movies and buying CDs?) or free (I get all of my Kindle books and audiobooks through my library).
Food
This year I rediscovered simple foods, low brow foods, and childhood favorites. I’m guilty of being a food snob at times, fitting the stereotype of a Whole Foods shopper who wants to know the name of the chicken they’re buying. But this year I indulged in things like hot dogs, cookies, peanut butter and jelly, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. They were so good. But to be clear, eating yummy food does not bring happiness, but it is a pleasure that merits appreciation.
Nice Walks
During the pandemic, my husband and I started taking 1-2 walks together every day, and it’s been one of my favorite new habits. It’s helped us build an awesome connection. When you have 30-60 minutes to chat, day in and day out, you learn a lot about each other, and often stumble on some surprising conversations. Bonus points when the weather was nice.
My Husband
He’s been a top-notch guy. He was loving, helpful, funny, smart, and more. Being married is way better than I anticipated. One reason for that is we’ve been intentional about noticing the good stuff.
(Sorry, Tim, that this section doesn’t have as many words as the section about the dogs.)
Nice Stuff
Everything you own, at some point you didn’t have it. You wanted it, and then you got it, and it made you happy for about 5 seconds. It’s nice to remember a time when you didn’t have your stuff, to remember the excitement of getting it, to recapture that feeling of appreciation for it. And I have so much good stuff—clothes, beauty products, technology, cookware, art. What’s nice is being old enough to have accumulated basically everything you need—spices, batteries, extension cords, Christmas decorations, gift wrapping supplies, tools, furniture, etc. Remember how much it sucked when you were first starting out and did have the basics?
While owning a bunch of stuff won’t make you happy, it does make you happier to appreciate what you already have.
Surprisingly, one specific item that kept popping up on my calendar over and over again was a pink handmade rug that used to be my grandmother’s. Upon noticing this I thought, “Wow, I must really love that rug.” And then I realized that the rug is within direct eyesight of where I fill out my gratitude calendar. So I was obviously scanning the room trying to find something to write down, like Steve Carrell’s character in Anchorman.
Fun Activities
Having hobbies I enjoy—writing, drawing, and teaching indoor cycling classes—and finding fun stuff to do regularly—live theatre, comedy, concerts, and activities—were major sources of happiness for me this year, and easy to be grateful for. Some highlights:
- SIX – A musical about Henry VIII’s wives
- Firefly Music Festival in Delaware
- Spoons, Toons, and Booze – Cartoons, all-you-can-eat cereal, and alcohol—what more could you ask for?
- Discovery Cove in Orlando
- The Running of the Chihuahuas – A very silly dog race
Good Habits
Getting enough sleep, working out, meditating, eating healthy, keeping the house clean, being financially responsible, practicing gratitude—these habits are hard-earned and well worthwhile. It’s taken me many years to get my shit together and figure out how to incorporate these things into my life somewhat seamlessly. And my gosh, it has been nice having beneficial habits. They are foundational to me feeling good. It’s easy to take them for granted because habits are mindless, so the gratitude calendar helped me pause and reflect on how they continuously enhance my life.
Conclusion
I know it sounds trite to say we have so much to be grateful for; it’s true though. But it doesn’t always feel true, because we are inclined to take things for granted, to notice the negative, to compare our lot in life to people who seem better off. Paying attention to what’s working well, noticing the positives, appreciating what you already have, being thankful for the little things—this is not our default wiring, myself included. Engaging with the world in that way takes intention and practice. Building your gratitude muscle is a skill, one that anyone can improve, one that makes you happier. And I’m sure as heck grateful for that.
EXPERIMENT: Gratitude Practice
There are lots of ways to practice gratitude. I like having to write things down; it bakes in accountability and serves as a nice reminder of all the good things in your life when you reread what you wrote. To make it a habit, your practice has to be easy, convenient, and enjoyable, so don’t overcomplicate it. Coming up with 1-2 things per day is plenty. Put your journal or calendar somewhere easily accessible or use your phone. Set a daily reminder or tie the practice to a specific time of day or activity. Sometimes it will be easy to think of things you’re grateful for, sometimes it will feel contrived. What’s important is forcing your brain to notice the good stuff regularly.
PAY ATTENTION
Start with this premise—most things are going right most of the time. It’s true. Your plumbing works, your liver works, traffic lights work, the postal service works, sunscreen works, gloves work, beds work. Now imagine if those things stopped working. That thought experiment helps us appreciate the mundane.
So many seemingly small things are actually borderline miracles. It’s cool to notice them. Start noticing that stuff that we take for granted, that stuff that slowly fades into the background because it’s doing its job. When was the last time you were grateful for tape? Or spoons? Or eyebrows?
Have fun with it. Keep it simple. And good luck!
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